Another Day, Another Scandal at Toxy’s House…..

I live alone in an apartment.

At my family house, we have several female Filipina helpers – one of which comes to my apartment 3 or 4 times a week to clean and iron my clothes.

I just found out that she has been having an affair with the Bangladeshi Building Supervisor who lives downstairs.

Background:

1) This lady has been with us for a year. She previously had a dubious ‘affair’ with another Bangladeshi who was also living at our family house.

We were very firm but very fair with her the first time, stating clearly, that this was not acceptable behavior. The Bangladeshi Driver had to be released from his duties as the lady said that she had not incited this affair – she had been harassed into it.

2) The Bangladeshi supervisor (who lives downstairs in my building) has been previously warned by the residents for his ‘disappearing acts.’ When he was supposed to be working, he could often be found lying in bed a sleep – leaving his younger brother (who also works in the building) to do all the graft work.

So how did I find out about this 2 month affair?

Because his younger brother told me.

He was terrified that I would find out, report them – and subsequently see everyone fired.

So here is the dilemma:

-This is the second affair in a year for the Filipina lady.

-This is the fifth or sixth ‘minor’ warning that has been issued to the building ‘supervisor.’

If I report the lady, she will surely be fired.

If I report the supervisor – he will surely be fired (along with his younger brother, who works very hard, and whistle blew the entire story).

We all know that many Third Country Nationals (TCN’s) are not well treated in the Middle East. In many cases they are abused, over worked and under paid.

I always try to be fair and understanding, whilst giving people the benefit of the doubt in almost all cases….

But…. have liberties been pushed too far this time?

As you can imagine, there could be some serious repercussions from my actions, particularly if I reveal the truth……So, what should I do? Remain quiet (yet again) or end this ongoing saga?….

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34 Responses to Another Day, Another Scandal at Toxy’s House…..

  1. O.J. says:

    Send them to Toxy’s Torture Chamber for a few days!

    Seriously now…It all depends on how good they are at what they do, how comfortable you are with them, and how easy it is to replace them.

    The answer lies within…

  2. Labeeb says:

    What a problem for you!!

    The thing that you must do is to talk to your parents about the filipina worker, and she must be kicked out because she is a whore.

    The Bangladeshi’s situation is hard as you said, because it is unfair for the younger brother to be kicked out.

    So I leave the Bangaledshi’s problem for you to solve, but for the filipina she must be kicked out because you don’t know to what limits her problems and affairs might continue!!

  3. extinct dodo says:

    its only your business when it comes to the philipina, so get rid of her. as for the bangladeshi, i dont see why you should be worrying about them, let someone else take care of their matter

  4. Sunny_Side_Q8 says:

    They’ve both had enough warnings. If it was me, I say the Lady is not acting respsonbly. We had a similar thing happen in our house. They both were fired.

  5. Cajie says:

    For me, it will all depend on whether to trust what the younger brother is saying. You may be ruining the lives of 2 innocent people. Make sure that you got your facts right and then any action that you take would be fine. Dont take action purely based on heresay.

  6. Well, i think u should at least talk to the lady, whether or not u report her is up to u, if i were u i would.
    You could be actually doing her a favour, i mean what if she gets pregnant, or gets some kind of STD or something….?
    As for the man, well, technically he doesnt really work for u, so u cant do much, but what u can do is give him a good talking to and scare him from messing with any of ur hired help.

  7. ahlein says:

    As long as the filipino is doing her job well, I dont see what the problem is. After all both she and the Bangladeshi are people, and need to get laid just like everyone else!
    Regarding the dude sleeping and having his younger brother do all the work, just warn him and he will ship up or will deserve to get fired anyway.
    Think about it guys:only in places like kuwait do u have a male or female who literally lives with a family or in a building and doesnt have a chance to go out and unwind on the weekends and meet people from the opposite sex. Thats one thing i used to love about living in Europe. After work you could bump into anyone from ur maid to your mechanic to your cab driver sitting in the same bar enjoying an after hours drink.

  8. albandry says:

    funky
    well filipinos lady r known for outrage hormons
    so really if it was me i would kick her out from the first time

  9. Q8watcher says:

    Why do you care? If the woman is slacking in her duties, then reprimand her for that and make sure she does the work she’s paid for. Whom she sleeps with is none of your business. Why are Kuwaitis so involved in the love affairs of their servants? They are people too. They have needs. They get lonely and want to be loved too. Would you deny someone love? Maybe she’s a whore or maybe she’s a long way from home and very lonely. As for the building haris, if he’s not doing his job, report him for not doing his job.

  10. jewaira says:

    From similar past experiences of the same situation you described, I would advise:

    – not relying on hearsay but actually have proof that she is having an affair with the man

    – it is not likely that she will admit anything to you if confronted

    – frankly, we all have sexual needs and we can’t expect those workers to be celibate especially if they were sexually active in their own countries

    – the problem lies with the following: if she becomes pregnant, or develops some STD

    – In some cases, bachelors like you could be accused of rape or sexually harrassment if problems arise

    If you have sufficient proof that the affair is on and affecting the way she works, then discuss it discreetly with your family and let her go. You were fair in that you overlooked her transgressions the first time and informed her what you expected.

    It all depends on how indispensible she is. I guess she could always marry the Bangladeshi ๐Ÿ™‚ and you would have a happily married couple

  11. s says:

    thats the thing. if someone comes to kuwait under contract of work, lives in your house, is it acceptable for them to be having a relatonship (sex) behind eveyones back?

    the situation is uncomfortable for the sponsor. i wouldnt like my live in employees to be doing the same. it just feels wrong.

  12. Fonzy says:

    the way i see it, everyone needs to have sex. if we are all allowed to do it, then why not them. as long as they get their job done, then let them at it. but once they start slacking, then u intervene and warn them. And if they continue slacking then get them both fired with a smile on ur face. And make sure she understands that if she gets pregnant, they r both out of the country.

  13. DFineLine says:

    GIVE THEM CONDOMES

    And tell them if it gets messy that you will not be abel to protect them. If you cant do that leave them alone. As Ahlein says we are all animals and we have needs. I dont think it is a bad thing that there is love within servants. Kind of cute… Keeps them happy and when your happy you work harder and better. SO just lay back and benefit from the Lofe…

    Love dont make war, people do….

  14. CyberRowdy says:

    Toxy! since you have “several” fil workers at home, let someone else come and do the work and have the other lady stay at home if you are toooooooo worried about this!

  15. J.O2 says:

    Baba! Ana saffer inta, baba!

  16. toxy says:

    OJ: The fake Toxy is still in there. He wont be out for another week ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Labeeb: You are right. The blame seems to come on the Filipina. It’s weird though, she’s so shy it’s scary.

    Extinct: Yep, the Lady is much more my responsibility.

    Sunny: lol…You’re very strict! I am trying to be sympathetic.

    Cajie: Wise words dude. I have had a mini interrogation with all parties. Evidence points to Guilty.

    DR: I talked with her. She was very, very quiet. I almost felt guilty!

    Ahlein: 100% Agree about relaxation…..I DID however notice that she seemed to be working for ‘less and less’ time as the months went on.

    Albandry: Lol. They are? I never knew that!!

    Q8Watcher: I agree, in the middle east it is very popular to get involved with our employee’s love affairs. They do have needs to I understand that. But there is something unnerving about the whole situation. Like ‘s’ says, it’s uncomfortable knowing that happens in the background of your house.

    Jewaira: Lol…Wow, I think you covered every angle there! I have made my investigations…. excellent points.

    s: This is what makes me uncomfortable too. Nail on the head.

    Fonz: Good points dude, it’s just freaky! I guess it’s like the notion that all girls don’t go to the bathroom!

    DFineLine: HAhaha…Liberalist!?? Love it!

    Cyber: I am not too worried, I just don’t want to come home one day and see something that I am not prepared for!!!!

    J.O Where are you going!! ?? ๐Ÿ˜€

  17. CyberRowdy says:

    agreed..not so nice to see some fil-benga act on your bed! LOL…good luck mate in dealing this situ

  18. moocherx says:

    Jeeeez. Totally agree with Q8watcher and Fonzy…. whose business is it who’s fu**ing who? Now… if it was while she should be working – fire her. If it was in the confines of one of your family’s properties – fire her. As for the lazy Bangladeshi layabout…. however poor a country you come from, you know what work is like in Kuwait and if you want to sit around in bed all day I wouldn’t feel the slightest bit guilty about firing his shoddy ass either. So grass him up, but offer to keep the hard working younger brother as your own “slave” or whatever the term is.

    swearing edited by toxy, mooch, this is a family blog too dude! ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. EniGma says:

    shessalfa “they’re human with needs” bla bla ba bla. fire her. she’ll either get pregnant or get an STD. if she wants to have sex then let her work somewhere else and kaifha.

  20. ummm
    interesting story
    the same thing happened in my uncle’s house
    he didn’t report the lady or the driver to the police … he just deported them both to save the headache and the trips to the police stations
    and my suggestion if you don’t want to bother just find yourself another maid and driver and live your life

    ————
    you gotta check our new podcast episode this week about staring and cutting line in Kuwait at:
    http://www.deerachat.wordpress.com

  21. moocherx says:

    what about getting a male maid and driver… or a female driver and maid.

    At least if they decide to get it on, you could probably make quite a bit of money from the hidden camera footage.

  22. Ri says:

    My 2 pence?

    If you’re not comfortable with the thought of it happening in your own house, talk to her discreetly and tell her to keep it outside the house and on her own free time. You could politely inform her that, outside her duties in your house, what she does with her time is her business as long as it does not affect her work and more importantly doesn’t affect anybody in your house.

    Also, you need to discuss this with your family so that they are in the know and do not confront her separately with a different approach. You be their spokesperson.

  23. DFineLine says:

    DUDES and LADIES….

    You are all sick, deport them, fire them, kick their asses… you comments are crule….I hope you all have CLEAN sheets in your closets.
    Toxy be nice to them, you may have a contract with her, but you are not a king in your Chastel by beeing harsh and none human.

    I have a friend who almost killed his male maid…and dude did I save his ass many times. Kind of cool because I now have a best friend in India. He used to ask me if he could borrow some of my fashion magazine, I did because if I dident the poor guy may have molested the dog….:-)

    Make love, not war…

  24. Desert Girl says:

    Let ye who don’t f*** cast the first stone… ๐Ÿ™‚

    Live and let live.

    swearing edited by Toxy. Sorry Desert!

  25. holla says:

    oh we can’t swear on here tox?

  26. Maze says:

    hard decision to take man…just give them a final warning…

  27. toxy says:

    Cyber: Thanks dude. It’s under control.

    Mooch: Lol….problem is, I don’t feel males clean that well. Women seem to see stuff that we males don’t.

    Enigma: Ruthless!

    Deera: Going to the Police is the last thing on my mind. lol

    Ri: This is the approach I took! I didn’t tell anyone else though.

    DFineLine: lol….Don’t worry, no killing will be going on ! Lol

    DesertGirl: Shakespeare?

    Holla: Lol. Girls might be reading. hahaha


    UPDATE:

    I sat with with them individually.

    -The younger brother was worried about the repercussions of telling me, so I devised a plan.

    -I got the elder brother in and blamed the younger brother for the affair – you should have seen his face – he loved that I thought it wasn’t him.

    -I let him tell me the whole ‘story.’ Lol

    -I then sat with the lady – told her that I knew about the Elder brother (from him)….She sat quiet and promised it would never happen again. Truth out.

    -Resolution: I will not tell anyone about this story. They both promised to stop the affair. Let’s face it, this was not going anywhere, it’s not Love – the dude is getting married soon for a start.

    At the end of the day, I don’t ever want to come home and see something I am not prepared for. What they do outside of their contract is not my business.

  28. DFineLine says:

    Well done. you did the right thing.

    “When you put your nose in some ones jam, you are bound to be sticky afterwards….”

  29. Stinni says:

    I’m sorry I came into this conversation late.

    Like it or not, pre-marital sex is illegal in Kuwait. That’s the point to take into consideration when discussing situations like these. Anyway, if she was sleeping with the guard during working hours, that would constitute grounds for firing. If she gets pregnant, then your family will have to pay for her to return to the PI. If she gets an STD, well, she’s working in your homes and thing about it… does she wash her clothes in your washing machine? Does she chop your vegetables with clean hands? See my point? And one last thing to think about – sometimes when housekeepers get pregnant or contract a disease they will run to their embassies and blame their sponsors. Or they’ll claim they were raped by so-and-so. In this case, she would probably say the guard raped her while she was coming to your place to clean.

    Now that you’ve talked to her and she promised it won’t happen again (yeah, right), what will she do when she gets those urges? Do you have small children in your family’s home? Guess where she’ll turn to next. Sorry – but I’ve seen it happen too many times before.

    When I have live-in maids, I give them a day off. They can do whatever they want on that day off and it’s none of my business. If they screw up though, they’re on their own.

  30. Stinni says:

    I should mention that I no longer have live-in maids because of headaches like these.

  31. razz says:

    whats with human and sexuality ? there is a difference between work and sex, are you allowed to have sex during ur working hours and in the premises ?

  32. cixousianpanic says:

    wow! What’s the deal with people flipping out about what two adults have consented about! Whether ppl like it or not they are human, and they are adults and their personal life is THEIR business. How would ppl like it if their bosses where are all up in their personal lives?

    If the guy should get fired, he should get fired for not doing his job, and not because he is having an affair..

    razz… i may have misunderstood, but the guy actually lives there, so it’s technically his house and what he does in his room is his business…

    Bottom line is: They are human. They’re both adults and its concentual – so its really not anybody else’s business.

  33. K says:

    What goes around comes around. Live and let live.

  34. I Say Kick both of them out the house * *

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